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There has never been a better time to become a fan of the English Premier League.

It really is the world’s BIGGEST league! Why? Because we say it is, time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time again - and you’re stupid enough to believe us.

For just £599.99 a month, you can enjoy:-

England’s FULLEST and QUIETEST stadiums!

Europe’s finest SPIT-ROASTING videos!

The planet’s DULLEST five man midfields!

The world’s HIGHEST PAID players! Wait. Did we say players? Because we actually meant SLAVES.

The globe’s most PRESPOSTEROUS hyperbole, with the Earth’s THICKEST and most SICKENINGLY SYCHOPHANTIC journalists literally FALLING OVER THEMSELVES to get to the BUFFET in the pressbox, while unknowingly being partly responsible for the league becoming the most VACOUS and OBSCENE professional sports competition outside North America!

The solar system’s most MORALLY BANKRUPT and sometimes GENOCIDAL foreign owners!


But that’s not all. For just £5999.99 per day, you can subscribe to Skam Sports HD and watch the drama of this amazing competition unfold in glorious high definition on a huge plasma screen you couldn’t possibly afford, but bought anyway.

> WATCH in AMAZEMENT as Manchester United accidentally concede a genuine goal – AT OLD TRAFFORD! How can you PREDICT such INSANITY?

> MARVEL at Stoke City’s plucky attempt to attain the magical 12 point tally – is this BORING or a CELEBRATION of MEDIOCRITY? WE will be the judge of that.

> GASP as fans accept the takeover of their club in dubious leveraged loan deal with barely a whimper because they think it might HELP them move from fourth to….. still fourth but not as FAR BEHIND THIRD as the season before - and then act all SURPRISED when their club is run in a similar fashion to a large multi-national BUSINESS.

> BE ASTOUNDED by the sickening sight of a multimillionaire footballer who earns more in six seconds than a nurse does in her lifetime DEMANDING a LUCRATIVE TRANSFER to a SLIGHTLY BIGGER CLUB!

> View in AMAZEMENT as, with hundreds of genuine fans locked outside, the middle executive tier remains resolutely EMPTY for the ENTIRE game as overpaid City workers reject WATCHING the GAME with their actual EYES in favour of taking copious amounts of COKE in the toilets shortly before SPUNKING in the face of a crack-addled Polish prostitute.

© Skam Sports 2008