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Buxton

impsTALK.co.uk >> 2008/09 >> Rough Guide > Buxton

Club Details
Send hate mail to: The Silverlands
Buxton
Derbyshire
SK17 6QH


Tel: 01298 23197
   
Matchday prices: Adult - £TBA
Seniors - £TBA
Students - £TBA
Kids - £TBA
 
Who the hell are Buxton City?
We know Buxton well. United last played them last season in the extra ultra preliminary qualifying preliminary round of the FA Cup, stuffing them 4-1 and sending them packing back to Derbyshire with the jeers of more than five fans ringing in their tinpot ears. The two clubs crossed swords regularly in the old Northern Premier League years and they are one of the few familiar faces in a crowd of weirdoes.

That’s not to say Buxton have been ever-present in the league since we last met them as equals in October 1996. A year or so Boston defected to the Southern Premier League, Buxton were in the mire, relegated in successive seasons in 1997 and 1998 to the Northern Counties East league. It wasn’t until Nicky Law’s arrival in 2005 that the club finally began its ascent back up the pyramid. The club were promoted to the NPL Division One in 2005/2006 and their momentum was such that they claimed the 2006/2007 title, and promotion into the NPL Premier League, too.

Buxton were formed in 1877 under the umbrella of the local cricket club, moving to play at the Silverlands – the highest football ground in the country - in 1884. There’s a lot more of the usual history rubbish we could write about, including tales of Cheshire League triumphs, but we’re not going to bother.

Claims to fame
Aside from the fact Buxton shares its name with a popular brand of mineral water, there isn’t a huge amount to cling onto. There are connections with the aristocracy: Buxton’s patron is the Duke of Devonshire, but he’s a pretty tinpot Duke by our Dukey standards.

Anything else? Not really, so let’s really grasp at straws. Although having no geographical connection with the town, Lewis Buxton, a decidedly average defender, plays for relegated Premiership shower Stoke City. Buxton. Geddit? Arf. Erm. And that’s it.

Where do they run around like headless chickens?

Buxton are, famously, the highest football club in the UK. Don’t get jumpy, Fenland acrophobiacs, we’re not talking Bolivia here. At a mere thousand feet, the ball only travels 0.467% further than it does at sea-level, and no, water doesn’t boil at a lukewarm sixty degrees – although you’d be forgiven for thinking that it does after a visit to Silverland’s snack bar.

The ground itself is basic, but picturesque, and has been renovated since Boston’s carrot crunchers last left the vast, flat plains of the east to head for the hills.

How many away fans will they bring?

24.

Will I die if I go to Buxton?
Altitude does funny things to the human body, such as killing it.

People suffering from the early stages of acute altitude sickness start slurring their words. They become drowsy and may exhibit signs of general malaise. They may start acting like Jim Kabia at 2.59pm on a match day: intoxicated. Their hands and feet swell. They dehydrate. As the body cannot distribute sufficient supplies of oxygen to cells, they develop environmental hypoxia.

In extreme cases, people suffer from a cerebral edema and lapse into a coma from which they never recover. Higher still, where the atmosphere fades to a tenuous whiff of disparate molecules, saliva boils on the tongue, internal organs rupture and, if Total Recall is to be believed, heads explode with eye popping brutality.*

In Buxton, one thousand feet above sea-level, none of these things will happen. In fact, aside from the odd bout of ear-popping, the human body barely registers the slight reduction in atmospheric pressure, from 1000 to 977.71 millibars. Which is a very long-winded way of saying no, you will not die in Buxton.

Links
Official site
Forum (Registration only)

Buxton unofficial
Anything else?
Give us something to write about Buxton. Tell us some more interesting facts about this pretty dull club - make it up if you have to - by E-MAILING us NOW NOW etc etc


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