there was My Football Club, the website offering a unique opportunity
for YOU to run a real-life football club. YOU could pick the team. YOU
could help target transfers. YOU were in charge of tactics. YOU were in
YOU are a moron. Let’s face it, what the hell do YOU actually know
about football? If YOU had even an ounce of genuine passion for the game,
wouldn’t YOU in fact be volunteering to string up the nets at Deeping
FC or running the line at a grassroots youth game?
Or maybe YOU aren’t even allowed within 300 yards of children? What
are YOU hiding, exactly? The
truth is, YOU have no experience of running a football club. YOU make
Peter Risdale look like Bill Gates.
Which is why impsTALK.co.uk is proud to present – my insolvency™!
A natural extension of My Football Club, my insolvency™
has been carefully crafted by our world-class team of dedicated, profiteering
entrepreneurs to appeal to the type of person who would willingly toss
an envelope stuffed full of scrubby notes our way in exchange for access
to a screen of tick boxes and radio buttons.
my insolvency™ truly is a revolutionary realisation of fan-driven
football conceptualisations: this indeed is a football insolvency practitioner
for the people.
it all about?
For years the process of salvaging the wretched vestiges of football’s
shattered dreams has been the preserve of so-called ‘experts’
with ‘post-graduate business qualifications’ and ‘experience’
of dealing with hundreds of real-world insolvency events.
This type of closed shop, ‘jobs for the boys’ culture is unhealthy
and damaging to our national game. And the time to act is NOW.
fans, through their own pig-headed ignorance, offer tacit collusion
with the senseless folly of over ambitious chairmen, many of them
Americans seeking to strip the English game of billions of pounds,
why shouldn’t they also be responsible for fighting the inevitable
anarchic aftermath when the ‘dream’ becomes a fully fledged
With my my insolvency™ they can do just that! It's
a football revolution.
Lock the gates with my insolvency!
does it work?
has no experience in UK insolvency law, or any law for that matter, and
neither do you. But we’re not going to let that stop us from asking
YOU to pay us £56.32 a year to become a my insolvency™
Once you’re a member, you will have all sorts of important decisions
to make. Many of them will require a thorough working knowledge of the
intricacies of UK business law - but don't worry, no-one else will know
what the fuck they're supposed to be doing either, so there's no need
to feel at all embarrassed.
With my insolvency™ YOU can:-
SELL the players for a fraction of their market value to vultures from
the groundsman with his festive bonus on Christmas Eve - a P45!
which padlock to use when the stadium gates are locked - do you use
a 50mm Kasp Long Shackle
or the more formidable 81x11mm
Armoured Shutter Lock?
with a dubious Cayman Island-registered holding company and then arrange
to FLOG the derelict terraces to a supermarket chain or a company seeking
to toss up some low cost 'luxury' flats for hapless proles – with
any luck you’ll pocket a packet!
VOTE how to dispose of the few, pitiful remaining assets – sell
the lawnmower to Vauxhall Motors, a few seats to Bamber Bridge, the
floodlights to a local driving range - and the tea lady to a Cambodian
football creditors and HMRC where they can stick their 100% - up their
RIP up that invoice from St John Ambulance – what the HELL are
THEY going to do about it anyway?
the government of Honduras to extradite ex-board members
club are we going to liquidate?
Ideally, we will liquidate the team selected by My Football Club members
(Barcelona? Brazil circa 1970? Or Ebbsfleet?) and step in when it all
comes crashing down. But there is no shortage of clubs out there looking
for potential insolvency, so it may be a target presents itself more readily.
does my money pay for? Can’t you buy debt ridden clubs for less
than £1? Do insolvency practitioners even buy football clubs? What
am I paying for? Give me answers. Answers. Please, answers.
Who knows? Yes. Possibly. We’re not sure. Nobody is sure. Why are
you even asking? Just pay up, and fuck off.
popular teams (as voted for by our members):
1 - England (1966)
2 - Brazil (1970)
3 - Leeds United
4 - Goole Town
5 - AC Milan