thoughts - "Load of old arse"
Upsall's review of the second half......that's official.' Two Bit says:
"Mind you a few years ago we would never have played teams like
this. It is all thanks to Evans and his AHEM good way of getting us
promoted and saving money by getting rid off players."
Another defeat, yet no-one really gives a stuff, do they? Maybe not,
but losing, again, means it's just one win in five competitive games
now. It's Franchise FC (spit) up next on Saturday. Another defeat and
it's time to start getting seriously worried. Thanks for all your e-mails,
and most of all, all yer artistic efforts. Until next time.....
PEEP PEEP PEEEEEEEEP!! - It's all over at the Withdean and
it's Brighton who progress in the Fizzy Shandy Cup. A much better performance
from United, insofar as they didn't get a beating, but no real edge
to them in the final third. If only we had a Julian Joachim.
90+1 - Boston aren't going to salvage this. One last picture:
90 mins - 3 minutes of injury time. Cookie reckons Forbes is
looking totally out of his depth. Of course he is. He should still be
playing with crayons and lego. Another picture:
86 mins - The usual 'Boo, rubbish' texts are now flooding into
the BBC. Subs. Ellender off, Farrell on. Forbes, who is about three
years old, is now on in place of Talbot, and is playing up front in
a 3-4-3. Farrell is playing attacking-left-wingback-sweeper-half, or
81 mins - More artwork:
81 mins - More pictures:
78 mins - Galbraith off for Clarke. Hortin reckons he spotted
Galbraith hurling a water bottle in frustration. Oo-er! "SACK EVANS
SACK EVANS SACK EVANS , ok keep him then," says the now prolific
Mr Two Bit. "How come it sounds a good game on Sky, or are they
talking it up." Nope, they're just better at this than me.
76 mins - Mr Two
Bit makes a belated appearance: "How many
dead people are in the crowd?" he asks. "How many times will
Evans throw his hands in the air. Since when has Roy Keane been a "world
class manager" as he is supposed to be their next manager. Bugger
thought Evans was going there".
74 mins - I think I heard someone cheer the goal,
but don't hold me to it.
73 mins GOAL! Brighton 1, Boston 0 - Reid
scores for Brighton from right back. More slack defending from
United as they allow him to run... and run... and run... and score.
68 mins - Adam Upsall quotes BBC Radio Southern Counties: First
bloke - 'Tait with a headed chance'. Second
bloke - 'Well, it was a mile wide...'
67 mins - Free kick for Brighton in a dangerous position -
just over! Corner for the home side. Greaves clears.
65 mins - "Hoofed forward by Canoville....." says
this Dalton imposter. If I had a quid....
63 mins - Chance for Brighton! Robinson's turn and shot has
Marriot scrabbling across his area.... but it's wide. Double subs from
Brighton. Stokes off for Loft. Gatting replaces Robinson. It's
Mike Gatting's nephew, reveals Hortin. He's obviously been hanging onto
that little snippet all day.
57 mins - Tonight's attendance: 2533. 58 from
Boston. Not a bad guess from the BBC boys
56 mins - CHANCE!! N'Guesssiooioann's shot fizzes over Kuiper's
bar! The lad could well prove to be the difference tonight. 'A class
act' according to Radio Lincs, who really have little idea how to pronounce
54 mins - "Laid up in bed with a nasty abscess,"
says Dale Allitt. "97%
of the doctors say the anti-biotics should do the trick. C'mon you yellows!"
51 mins - Something happened that excited the crowd, i.e I
believe I heard someone raise their voice, but I was far too busy admiring
Adam Hildred's picture [below] of Steve Evans being knighted to notice
exactly what was going on:
45 mins - We're underway once again. Hurrah.
Catastrophe - "Had a very eventful first half, my back
door has leaked some water, stick that on the commentary!" says
Adam Upsall. Tell me about it. I just discovered a small sea - complete
with waves, tides and a tacky seaside resort - upstairs after the rain
swept in through an open window. Anyone else suffered some domestic
disaster due to the aquatic conditions? Anyone care to distract us from
the game with some tale of woe?
Half time - Picture time #3:
Half time - Brighton 0, Boston 0. Boston can be happy with
their efforts so far, a solid enough performance. Steve Evans, despite
nothing really happening, is still berating the match officials for
something. What could it possibly be? The disappointing
profit warning issued today by camping chain Blacks? Still, the
Pilgrims aren't losing three-nil and can be hopeful of getting a result
if they persevere. Of course, it's the second-half capitulations you
have to be careful of as far as the Pilgrims are concerned.
42 mins - CHANCE! Davidson is crowded out by home defenders
after a great cross by N'Guessan, who is Boston's best player of the
40 mins - This is painful. Extremely painful. Scott Dalton
will be cackling into his brew back in Lincolnshire.
38 mins - Picture time #2:
35 mins - Picture time:
mins - Boro 0-1 Chelsea. Shevchenko.
29 mins - Just 57% possession for the home side. Michael Hortin
is so bored he's talking about breaded mushrooms.
25 mins - "It's a penalty!" Chris Cook exclaims,
as the referee doesn't give a penalty. Yaaaaaawn. What's going on elsewhere....
? Er.... nothing. No goals anywhere as yet, except at Villa Park. Only
a booking for some bloke called Hazell at Chesterfield. It really is
18 mins - "I can report that New Jersey is currently *not*
buzzing with excitement about the Brighton vs Boston game. Just
thought you ought to know in case Evans claims otherwise in his post-match
interview..." says Andy Sandall. Nor, it appears, is Brighton.
17 mins - "Hey, I tell you what, these spectators are
lucky it's not raining!" chuckles whoever this is commentating
instead of Dalton, from the smug security of his covered commentary
position. From the sounds of it, these fans were lucky to even get tickets
for this humdinger.
16 mins - Galbraith's free kick is struck straight at the Albion
wall... the home side break but Ryan hoofs it clear.
15 mins - ....except Brighton miss a sitter to take
the lead! Tony Stokes JUST misses, punting the ball past the right hand
post. Let off for Boston.
14 mins - Absolutely nothing is happening.
11 mins - 'ImpsTalk is a big pile of shat From Mr N.
Townie, Norfolk, near Bostonshire oh-ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha-ha' says someone
who is most definitely NOT Norfolk Townie.
9 mins - Tactical genius Steve Evans is already screaming
instructions from the bench, completely ignoring the 'SILENCE' notices
around the ground. Paul Raynor looks up at him irritably as he works
on Chapter 53 of his novel. Meanwhile, a game of football may or may
not be happening in the distance somewhere beyond the athletics track.
7 mins - Villa 0-1 Reading. Brighton are set up as a 4-3-3,
Boston a 4-4-2. Brighton have started brightly, and have forced a couple
of corners, but no real chances by either side as yet.
5 mins - Galbraith has a speculative shot as Boston apply a
little pressure on the home side. It really is deathly quiet.
Waterloo - 'What's with the ABBA pic?' says Tips. The clue
is at the bottom of the page.
Kick-off! - We're underway, in what sounds like, er... well,
Dedicated - Fifty Boston fans have made the trip according
to BBC Lincs. Cookie reckons we'll draw 1-1 and go into extra time.
More team news - Also out of tonight's mammoth fixture is Scott
fuggin' Dalton. That's a bigger loss than no Elding, I'm telling you.
Unless he's actually cursed (which is entirely possible given the number
of times I listen to him commentating on another United defeat), in
which case we could well do with Michael Hortin doing a Barry Fry and
urinating on all four corners of the ex-match day magazine contributor.
The teams: Brighton - Kuipers, Reid, Santos, Lynch, Mayo, Cox,
Hammond, Carpenter, Stokes, Revell, Robinson. Subs: Elphick, Sullivan,
Gatting, Loft, Rents
Boston - Marriot, Canoville, Ellender, Greaves, Ryan,
N'Guesson, Holland, Talbot, Galbraith, Davidson, Tait. Subs: Forbes,
Kirby, Farrell, Albrighton, Clarke
Team news - Not exactly wholesale changes. The most notable
absentee is a certain Mark Albrighton. That'll be those individual errors.
Tait and Davidson up front. Greaves moves to the back. 15 minutes to
kick-off. The Withdean is echoing to the sound of mass apathy.
Tinpot Cup - Michael Hortin puts it to Chris Cook that League
Two managers can't afford to employ squad rotation in the Fizzy Shandy
Cup. He forgets that Notts County, or That's What I Call Boston
United 2005 Mix, beat Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park last night
after doing exactly that.
So, who are we going to sign on loan from Brighton
then? It is, after all, precisely one year to the day since Boston were
undone by an Ian
Ross goal at (now Premiership spin spin spin) Sheffield United.
Ross famously(ish) joined Steve Evans' merry band of uncultured hoof-ball
merchants just days later on a loan deal, and was one of the few bright
spots in an otherwise lacklustre season. Which naturally begs the question:
which Albion reserve player is going to step up to the plate tonight
and land himself a six month sentence at Staffsmartville? Alex Revell?
Perhaps Marriot will have a howler and we’ll recruit Kuipers again.
Oh, the joys of the Fizzy Shandy Cup.
history. The aforementioned defeat at Bramell Lane in 2005 was just
the latest in a line of early round exits in the competition, the memorable
4-3 win over Luton in 2004 being the sole exception. Prior to that,
the Pilgrims had at lost at home to (Premiership spin spin!!) Reading
(1-3), and Cardiff (1-5). Thanks to the Luton win, Boston did meet genuine
Premiership opposition in the shape of soon-to-be-relegated Fulham,
but were ditched out with relative ease.
For their part, Albion possess an even worse recent record in the competition
having registered three consecutive first round defeats (in reverse
order: away at Shrewsbury 2-3, at home to Brighton 1-2, and away to
Middlesbrough 0-1). Their last win came against Exeter in 2002.
impsTALK is plumping for a Boston win, if only to offer
a tantalising glimpse of what United are capable of - but not able to
pull off in anything other than a tinpot trophy. That’s the way
it’s supposed to work, right?
Teams just as soon as they're available. Don't forget to send your e-mails
to impsTALK at the above link. Mr Two Bob Bit Worthless Supporter sent
his first in 24 hours ago, still bemoaning the lack of cheerleaders:
"Sir, what is happening? I am sat here watching the screen, I see
that there are no dancing cheerleaders as I suggested. However keep
up the excellent work."
Well Two Bob, I was planning on posting a small, yet inoffensive, cheerleader
picture, just for you, but forgot I'd removed the Safe Search
option on Google Images for some unfathomable reason. It wasn't pretty
(well, I suppose it depends on your definition of 'pretty'....).
Brighton. Hmm. Not exactly a fixture that invokes much
in the way of emotion in yer average Boston fan, mainly because our
meetings with the Withdean exiles have been limited to cup ties. It's
not really Gainsborough Trinity in the Unibond Presidents Cup, eh? But
still.... be excited. If we win this, we could well land Sunderlan-
ah no, they're out. Ok, Fores- crap, they're gone too. Scunthorpe then.
It is a mere 1023 days since we lost to Albion in the Vans Trophy thanks
to two 'silver'
goals (remember those?). The team that day? Bastock, Hogg, Hocking,
Greaves, Beevers, Thompson, Clarke, Redfearn, Weatherstone, Duffield,
Ellender. Subs: Douglas, Chapman, Sutch, Potter,
Other than that, no history to spin out, no scores to settle, no grudges.
Nowt. We did have that Kuipers bloke on loan last season, but what can
you honestly say about him. He stood where goalkeepers normally stand
at Boston - halfway up the pitch - saved a few, flapped at a few, and
buggered off back. Of course, it wasn't until he had long gone that
allegations surrounding Boston's 4-2 defeat at Carlisle (i.e we threw
the match) surfaced, with Kuipers' mad dash up to the penalty box in
the final minutes coming under particular scrutiny. No case to answer.
He did sprint back. Damn.
Brighton lost at Forest at the weekend, but by all accounts were unfortunate
not to leave the City Ground with at least a point. They won't be too
concerned; they're already off the mark both at home and away, with
1-0 wins over Rotherham and Gillingham under their belts. Oh yes. Just
sit back and fantasise about that for a moment dear reader: an away
win.... drooool, dribble...
Players: Kuipers aside, only one with any vague United connections.
Alex Revell was supposedly a target of ours after spanking an illegal
number of goals with Braintree last season.
Other not-at-all connected Brighton
We won't bore you with tedious drivel about how cool Brighton is etc,
yes it's probably a nicer patch of coastline real estate than Frieston
Shore, but do they have Britain's
Best Butcher? Nope, I thought not.
Tim Vincent Photography