launches fleXi ticket eXtreme™
United fashion statement Jim Rodwell is delighted to announce the introduction
of the fleXi ticket eXtreme™, a brand new ticketing initiative for
Pilgrims fans at the Staffsmart Arena™ ahead of the 2006/2007 season.
fleXi ticket eXtreme™ follows the successful re-launch of the Flexi-Ticket,
which is now in operation at a number of clubs in Coca Cola League Two™.
However the fleXi ticket eXtreme™ offers fans the opportunity to
purchase individual match tickets as opposed to a book of ten, as ticket
office comedian John Blackwell explained today.
“Look, the fleXi ticket eXtreme™ is like a flexi-ticket but
far more eXtreme and infinitely more fleXi,” said Blackwell, irritably
picking his nails and tapping his desk. “You get your fleXi ticket
eXtreme™ which consists of one ticket, valid for any one game of
your choice. You just turn up, present your eXtreme ticket, and you’re
in. How much more fleXi do you want it to be?
“And apparently it doesn’t create any eXtra work for me and
Maureen either, ooooh noooo,” he added, banging his mug of coffee
down and stamping his feet.
Priced at £13, the fleXi ticket eXtreme™ represents superb
value for money as supporters will not be forced to pay for any more than
90 minutes of turgid football at the Staffsmart Arena™ should they
choose not to attend further games.
“The fleXi ticket eXtreme™ provides our excellent, passionate
fans the choice and flexibility they demand,” concurred chairman
Rodwell. “The beauty of the fleXi ticket eXtreme™ is that
our fans can pick and choose which games they attend on a match-by-match
basis, meaning that they can choose at a moments notice to go shopping
in Nottingham rather than attend a grotesque exhibition of hoof-ball nonsense
down Shoddy’s Lane.”
But despite the club’s announcement, some fans were not convinced
about the new scheme. Independent Pilgrims Supporters Association (IPSA)
chairman and all-round important Boston fan Bob Mugfret-Fishhead, speaking
exclusively to anyone who would listen to him, said: “I don't get
it - it's just like a normal ticket. Seems to me like they’re simply
polishing a turd, and they’re not even using Mr Sheen Anti Static™
but some cheap knockoff from Home Bargains, like the stuff Woodcock's
been forced to use on the boardroom table since Sotnick left.”
However, Rodwell was quick to point out that the fleXi ticket eXtreme™
was different to a normal ticket. “The new ticket has two capital
'X's in its name,” he explained. “In that regard at least,
it’s completely unique in Coca Cola League Two™.”
In addition to the news of the new ticket, the chairman has confidently
predicted that season ticket sales, including season tickets, flexi ticket
and the new fleXi ticket eXtreme™ would break the record previously
set in 2005/2006.
The Pilgrims also moved to rubbish rumours of a fleXi ticket eXtra eXtreme™,
which would consist of the fan receiving half a ticket for the 45 minutes
of their choice, saying it would be unworkable, although he did admit
that the fleXi ticket eXta-lubricant eXtreme ultra™ might be seen
in the New Year.
The final word went on the subject belonged to Mr Mugfret-Fishhead, who
commented: “Where’s my blazer? Who’s got my tie? I’m
turning IPSA into an Industrial and Provident Society and raising an army.
You lot with me or against me? We need a new chairman.”