DALTON MAKES COMEBACK BID
match-day programme contributer and local journalist Scott Dalton has
made one last bid to return to the big time with the launch of a new magazine,
From Behind Your Benches, impsTALK can exclusively reveal in
today's Exclusive Breaking News Exclusive Update (sponsored by Staffsmart™).
Dalton has been living on a park bench in Boston's Central Park ever since
he was axed from the glossy pages of Pilgrims, the official matchday
magazine, leaving his life and media career left in tatters. Rumours are
rife that Dalton was canned from Pilgrims after failing to meet
the desired number of product-placements per 250 words.
Dalton can be found most days lying unconscious, face down on the cricket
wicket, surrounded by discarded cider cans and a curious child poking
him with a stick as he struggles to come to terms with the end of his
Staffsmart Stadium™ contract.
However, the BBC man has been saving up the loose change thrown in his
direction over the last twelve months and last week spent an unprecedented
£7.84 printing sixteen copies of his new magazine.
However, Dalton's arch-nemesis, print-journo Duncan Browne, poured scorn
on From Behind Your Benches chances of surviving Boston's cutthroat
media industry, pointing out that his own bootleg DIY publication, the
Boston Standard, which he prints in his garage, was outselling
FBYB by three to one in the week ending 14
Equally unimpressed was Pilgrims press officer and heir to the Sington
NewsCorp empire, Craig Singleton. "Scott's bitterness towards Boston
United FC and all at the Staffsmart Stadium™ is regrettable,"
Singleton said. "But if he thinks this new FBYB thing is
going to re-launch his career here at the Staffsmart Stadium™ he's
sadly mistaken. No-one messes with the Official Matchday Magazine,
no-one. He had his chance, and he blew it. Tough luck Scott."
The new publication has caused a 450% increase in street-crossing over
the last seven days, according to Prof Hank Yankqourn at the University
of Swineshead. Important Boston fan Bob Mugfret-Fishhead told impsTALK:
"I was on my way to renew my season ticket when I spotted this shambling
bearded figure dressed in rags and bluebottles approach me hawking some
kind of publication, so I turned around and legged it back home as fast
as my Staffsmart™-sponsored legs would carry me."