The very future of Boston United FC was dramatically, but totally unexpectedly, thrown into doubt this afternoon after the club’s plans for the LavaGiGADomE were unanimously thrown out by a special planning committee convened by Boston Borough Council.

In a turn of events absolutely no one predicted, councillors collapsed in a writhing hysterical mass of snorting, guffawing public servants when presented with the six dog-eared beer mats upon which Jon Sotnick had scrawled his insane four-pronged plan using a purple Crayola crayon eighteen months ago.

While Crazee Jimmy, brandishing the missing business plan on an Etch-a-sketch, begged for the inevitable rejection to be deferred for a week to allow time for his Gambian visa to be processed, ex-sinister chairman Jon Sotnick was seen looking the other way, reading a newspaper, whistling and inching closer to the door as proceedings, held before the highest ever crowd after record ticket sales, neared an end.

The absolutely unforeseen failure of the new stadium plans leaves Boston United at the mercy of local HMRC nutcase Bob Gufftrucker, who is planning a ‘shock-and-awe’ visit to John Blackwell’s office tomorrow.

“There will be no Earl Gray tea and Battenberg this time,” Gufftrucker told impsTALK this evening. “There will be only pain. A world of dark, horrific pain.”

The news swiftly spread across Boston during the afternoon of unpredictable drama. Horrified Boston fans, who were completely not aware that their club was heading for total meltdown, were left to cope with the news of imminent liquidation as best they could.

Ten year old lifelong fan Little Bobby Shattocks could barely contain his emotion after being told by his drunken Louth coalminer father that there would be no Christmas – and no Boston United.