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BOSTON UNITED TELEVISION
Welcome to BUTV - the future of Boston United!

The advent of digital broadcasting means the airwaves are full of a huge range of sub-par television punctuated by adverts for ring tones, loans and misleadingly cheap car insurance.

Boston United aren't about to miss out.

0700 - Breakfast With Blackwell
The award winning breakfast show and phone in returns. Today, Blackwell fields 1,420,725 phone calls from irate Boston fans angry at Steve Evans and opens nine parcels of human excrement sent to Boston United by Dagenham fans and Mark Lawrenson.

0800 - Ready Steady Crook
Steve Evans and Pat Malkinson are tonight's celebrity crooks as they join Ainsley Harriot in the kitchen. Tonight both crooks are faced with a dilemma when the two studio audience members carrier bags are filled not with ingredients, but with receipts they found stuffed behind a filing cabinet in Steve's office!

0900 - Can't Cook the Books, Won't Cook the Books
Featuring John Blackwell.

0930 - Top of the Pops 2: BUFC Special!
Join Steve Wright and the TOTP2 gang as they trawl the archives for classic musical performances, including 'Good Morning Judge' by 10CC, 'Money' by the Flying Lizzards, 'Your Cheating Heart' by Hank Williams and 'Money's Too Tight To Mention' by Simply Red. Status Quo are studio guests, performing their classic hit 'Down, Down'.

1100 - Who Do You Think You Are? - New Series
Steve Evans goes through why he thinks he's an ex-top level football league player who has made the successful transition into becoming a top-rated league football manager, only to be rebutted by several football historians and statisticians who point out that, in reality, he just a bit of a dreamer. Keep watching the rest of the series, including 'Crazee Jimmy' Rodwell having the news broken to him that at any other club he'd be nowhere near qualified to be Director of Football, let alone Chairman, and in a climactic season finale watch the panel just sit and laugh for 45 minutes as Gee Evans goes through his credentials for being Chief Scout at a professional football league club.

1200 - Mock the Homeless
Popular Radio Four show makes TV debut. In this edition, Darlington chairman Jon Sotnick leaves behind the opulence of his huge mansion to point and laugh at a prostate BBC Radio Lincolnshire journalist he finds slumped, unconscious, in a shopping trolley in Boston's Central Park. Subtitled.

1345 - Everybody Loves Steven
Offbeat comedy in which family man Steven Evans explains to anyone around him who'll listen how the fans still back him to the hilt, and what a great job they think he's doing with such a tight budget and the worst injury crisis seen since the first day of the Battle of the Somme.

1415 - FILM: 'Miracle on York Street'
Colour remake of this heart-warming classic, where beleaguered Boston Utd manager Steve Evans convinces Little Bobby Shattocks that all he needs is faith in him for all the problems the club faces to disappear. Young Bobby fights hard to convince skeptical adults that Steve Evans is real and just needs people to have that faith for everything to be alright, only to find his hero has pleaded guilty and admitted undertaking criminal acts, and that his beloved football club are shafted no matter what.



STESDLD, ONSTESDLD? , 5.30pm


1600 - Blue Peter
Join ex-BUFC legend Peter Costello as he sits in a room shouting out random swear words.

1630 - The Weakest Link
Anne Robinson lines up the Boston Utd management, coaching staff, board and owners and takes on the unenviable job of working out which single candidate can be described as 'The Weakest Link'. After 29 minutes of thoughtful silence, the credits roll.

1700 - Songs of Praise
Live from the York Street terraces, although just a handful of choristers remain to sing songs in praise of the Messiah, despite claims that the choir is bigger than ever.

1730 - Short Term Emergency Seven Day Loan Deal, Or No Short Term Emergency Seven Day Loan Deal?
Noel Edmonds hosts the popular game of sheer, random, dumb luck. Contestant Steve Evans, desperate for some cover for the squad now playing at other clubs, sits on a stool and waits to see if his box contains the ultimate prize - a 17 year old midfielder from a top-flight club with a famous manager he can pretend to be friends with.

1630 - The Price is Right
Sinister puppet Little Jimmy presents this fast-paced game show in which he gets ridiculously overenthusiastic audience members worked into such a frenzy he hopes one of them will unwittingly agree to buy Boston United from him.



WaldsStation, tonight 12.30am


1800 - The Six O'Clock News
Newsreader Craig Singleton, sitting on a chair wired to the mains with Gee Evans' finger hovering over the ON switch, reads an autocue written and operated by Boston gaffer Steve Evans. Today, Craig carefully recites Steve's excuses for the final three defeats of the 06/07 season, and makes a start on the opening three dismal losses of the 07/08 season.

1900 - The Vulture Show
A panel comprising several league and non-league managers and chairmen, along with leading insolvency practitioners, pick over what they'll take from York Street when the club finally folds.

2000 - Waking the Dead - NEW SERIES
Harrowing BBC drama. Forensic scientists scour the terraces of York Street examining the bodies of hundreds of silent, arms-folded Boston fans, and scour the area for evidence of over 1,234 missing supporters. Suspicions are aroused by a ten foot wide 'FUCK OFF STEVE EVANS' banner found hanging from a roof beam. Could this clue give the team a vital lead?

2100 - Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?

Drama set at the Cow Bridge Inn reconstructing the initial meetings that saw the formation of Lavaflow and the agreement to sell the York Street ground to Jon Sotnick. Stars The Krankies as Jon Sotnick and Steve Evans, Boris Karloff as Pat Malkinson, Limahl as Crazee Jimmy Rodwell and Noddy Holder as Phil Hanby.

2200 - FILM: 'Porridge'
2006 remake of the classic film spin-off from the popular BBC comedy series. The boys hatch a scheme to bring a celebrity football team up to Slade Prison as a cover for the escape of one of their fellow inmates. In a twist on then original storyline, new inmate Steve Evans offers to coach the 'lags' using his experience as manager of Boston United in the football league, but the prisoners decide to still ask Norman Stanley Fletcher to be manager - as even criminals have some standards.

2355 - Later.... with Jools Holland
In session tonight, Elbow. Or, more specifically, Drewe Broughton's Elbow. The band violently bend a terrified Jools over his piano and repeatedly elbow the cocky little jazz musician in the mouth until the studio floor is slippery with blood and the police are forced to intervene, at which point the band step back and loudly protest their innocence while adopting a look of mock puzzlement.

0100 - Skins
Edgy new BUTV drama. Due to the entire Boston United kit being repossessed by bailiffs, Steve Evans is forced to send his boys into battle wearing cheap thongs kindly donated by the Boston United Supporters Association. But BUSA can't afford to buy thongs for the coaching staff, having blown so much money on funding hotel stops in Peterborough and Mansfield, leaving Evans to walk to the dug-out completely naked. EXPLICIT CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED

0200-0530 - Walds Station XXXTRA
Explicit adult action from the WaldsSTATION web-cams.


See previous BUTV Listings!



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