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Older seasons

Boston boss almost completes crossword on team coach
Evans set to take up cross stitch for next two fixtures

BOSTON United boss Steve Evans has revealed to impsTALK that he was ‘within touching’ distance of completing Saturday’s Times crossword on board the Boston United team coach following his ejection from Blundell Park.

Evans also disclosed he’d led lowly Wearside to a Konami Cup semi-final appearance at Trad Brick Stadium on Conrad Logan’s PSP while he waited for the squad to return to the coach.

The Pilgrims gaffer was carried from the ground by six ape-like stewards after questioning a refereeing decision using somewhat colourful language - the words “bum-raping motherf*cking c**t-faced t**t c*nt f*ck-faced c*nt motherf*cker’ clearly heard by stunned fans in the Family Enclosure.

Having been dumped unceremoniously outside the stadium, Evans told impsTALK this morning that his immediate reaction was to take control of the team coach and drive it at full speed onto the pitch and at Russell Slade in the Grimsby dugout, but, after finding the coach driver sprawled asleep in the front seat, decided to settle down with John Blackwell’s Times crossword.

Evans completed all but fifteen of the answers before chancing upon Logan's PSP in a locked bag in the secure overhead compartment.

Wearside’s progress in the Konami Cup was halted by a rampant West Midlands Villa side, Gavin Berry hitting a hat trick after Jules Arkla was sent-off in the 21st minute.

Evans then sat alone for a further half-hour picking his nose, drumming his fingers irritably on a drinks tray and humming Hard Fi's 'Cash Machine' to himself to pass the time.

With his future in the Boston dugout under threat, Evans is planning on taking up a series of ‘Life Improvement’ hobbies beginning with a Spanish lesson for Chester’s visit on Wednesday, and ‘Introduction to Cross Stitch’ slated for next Saturday.

  • The FA have announced that all future fixtures involving Boston United will be subject to a 5-second delay to protect the children.

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