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law has been declared on the streets of downtown Boston following
Jon Sotnick’s panic stricken proclamation of imminent destruction
was accidentally broadcast over BBC Radio Lincolnshire today.
Within moments, angry fans steamed onto the streets around Market Place, torching cars, shops and foreign migrant workers. A family of Portuguese workers was cornered next to Oldrids and beaten to death by Pilgrims supporters. ‘I will use this totally unconnected event to vent my racial hatred!’ yelled one fan as he crushed the skull of a small child.
‘This has nothing to do with football and everything to do with my intolerance of the economic and cultural freedoms we endure as part of the wider European community!’ screamed another, whilst beheading an elderly male.
Blackwell attempted to resign but mislaid his letter and remains stuck
in the club office. Steve Evans and Jim Rodwell fled to Croatia in
Julian Joachim’s private jet, leaving behind Paul Raynor who
clung desperately to the left wing as the jet departed RAF Coningsby.
Sky News reporter Craig Singleton told viewers: ‘It’s a scene of sheer chaos here, total anarchy. But never before has such chaos been covered so extensively and professionally by a talented journalist such as myself, especially as I now have a camera crew and a shiny van to play with.’
However the biggest story of the day was reserved for Boston webmaster Scotty Walds who told an astonished press conference his latest gas bill had been overestimated by 6 units.
‘They even included business Climate Change Levy,’ Walds told a stunned crowd, before regaling the gathered masses about the time his pet rabbit chewed through a mains cable.
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