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Older seasons

Boston bankrupt in 3 hours says horrified Sotnick
Riots in Boston, 152 foreign migrants dead
Walds – My gas bill was estimated

Die Pigs Die!! etc

Martial law has been declared on the streets of downtown Boston following Jon Sotnick’s panic stricken proclamation of imminent destruction was accidentally broadcast over BBC Radio Lincolnshire today.

Sotnick had been talking to Rob Underwood about his desperate attempts to keep Boston United from sinking into liquidation when he told the presenter ‘if the plans are rejected we’ll be bankrupt in three hours’. The comment was broadcast over the airwaves after Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer skipped and ended prematurely.

Within moments, angry fans steamed onto the streets around Market Place, torching cars, shops and foreign migrant workers. A family of Portuguese workers was cornered next to Oldrids and beaten to death by Pilgrims supporters. ‘I will use this totally unconnected event to vent my racial hatred!’ yelled one fan as he crushed the skull of a small child.

‘This has nothing to do with football and everything to do with my intolerance of the economic and cultural freedoms we endure as part of the wider European community!’ screamed another, whilst beheading an elderly male.

John Blackwell attempted to resign but mislaid his letter and remains stuck in the club office. Steve Evans and Jim Rodwell fled to Croatia in Julian Joachim’s private jet, leaving behind Paul Raynor who clung desperately to the left wing as the jet departed RAF Coningsby.

Supporters besieged the internet to voice their shock at the imminent disintegration of the Pilgrims, crashing most major internet service providers. Soldiers drafted in from Iraq struggled to keep traffic moving through the town after a traffic light bulb blew on Haven Bridge, leaving hundreds of thousands of elderly holidaymakers stranded miles from Skegness.

Sky News reporter Craig Singleton told viewers: ‘It’s a scene of sheer chaos here, total anarchy. But never before has such chaos been covered so extensively and professionally by a talented journalist such as myself, especially as I now have a camera crew and a shiny van to play with.’

However the biggest story of the day was reserved for Boston webmaster Scotty Walds who told an astonished press conference his latest gas bill had been overestimated by 6 units.

‘They even included business Climate Change Levy,’ Walds told a stunned crowd, before regaling the gathered masses about the time his pet rabbit chewed through a mains cable.

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