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Sinister Lavaflow chairman Jon Sotnick is today busily scouring pubs across the West Midlands for a series of missing beer mats following the startling revelation from Boston Borough Council that the relocation business plan submitted to them was incomplete.
A barely-comprehensible Boston town planning officer, Viktor Bobskonovski, told impsTALK: “Bah! Comrade Jon is missing three more mats. Council more info require! Planning succeed with no return of missing plan? Niet!”
has stunned Lavaflow board members, who were complacently going about
their business expecting all four seamless plans to be approved without
impsTALK sources located in the West Midlands have since reported Sotnick entering various public houses in a state of frenzied panic.
Important West Midlands resident Igor Mugfret-Fishhead told impsTALK he barely escaped from the clutches of a snarling Sotnick as he turned over tables and chairs in the Bouncing Cheque pub in Gospel End. “It was a close thing all right,” Mugfret-Fishhead said. “He was growling like a vicious animal and had fire in his eyes.”
The landlord of the Massive Rent Arrears bar in Wolverhampton, Gunther McTongditch, called police after Sotnick began pitching customers out of the front doors. “I don’t fancy his chances,” McTongditch said. “I hear those mats he wants date back to 2004. No chance. My guess is he needs a new plan.”
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