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Horror Discovery at Posh:
Mark Wright is android controlled by Fry

Fry escapes secret lair by jet pack

Cambridgeshire police have issued a warrant for the arrest of Peterborough United Football Director Barry Fry.

The warrant was issued after today’s horror discovery that recently installed manager Mark Wright is actually an android under the direct control of the former Birmingham boss.

The startling discovery was made at a training session this morning when Wright was pushed into a shower by defender Sagi Burton. Players were astonished to witness their manager burst into flames and melt into a large glob of an as-yet unidentified material. Barry Fry was seen exiting the ground by jet pack just moments later.

‘I did wonder why Wright had been taking to wearing a full dry-suit every time we gathered in the dressing area,’ said Posh youngster Danny Crow. ‘It all becomes horribly clear.’

Mark Wright leads training

Fry is believed to have controlled Wright’s every move from a secret Fry Cave under London Road, one henchman describing it as ‘similar to a Bat Cave, just without the jet car’. Fry was able to manipulate his robot by using a large joystick and wireless communication system. Such was the intricacy of the robot that it has apparently operated for some months without detection and has arranged friendlies, brokered transfer deals and coached the senior squad since the players returned for pre-season training.

Police do not know exactly how long Fry has been controlling the robot and are seeking to speak to his family to determine if they have noticed any difference in his behaviour.

DI Bobby Capri of the Cambridgeshire force asked members of the public with any information to step forward. ‘Have you seen Mr Wright behaving erratically?’ he asked at a press conference today. ‘Have you seen Mr Wright buying unusually excessive numbers of batteries? Has Mr Wright ever been seen emitting sparks in your presence? Perhaps you have seen him tending himself with a soldering iron?’

The whereabouts of the real Mark Wright are unknown, but Capri admitted he had ‘grave concerns’ for his safety, telling impsTALK: ‘It is quite clear that Fry did not intend to relinquish control of Peterborough United and went to extreme measures in order to retain his power. I believe that if Mark Wright is still alive then it must be in some kind of sinister holding cell, possibly just like that prison out of Cube, or the blue room in Quantum Leap. Either way, Mr Fry has broken pretty much every law in existence, and I’m sure we can invent a few more that he’s broken too.’

Robotics expert Professor Mike Wilkshop-Hopkins revealed the Wright android was built using technology that does not exist in today’s world. ‘Mr Fry has almost certainly built a time machine in order to obtain the materials to develop this humanoid. My God – what else has he seen, or done?’ Wilkshop-Hopkins exclaimed in panic. ‘Perhaps we are living in some hellish futuristic Westworld….. Good Lord, are you a robot too?"

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