Skam Sports
 




Home
2013/2014
Results/Fixtures

Rough Guides
Rough Guide: Opposition
Rough Guide: Club History

Rough Guide: Boston
Rough Guide: Who's Who

Features
Postbag
The Naughties
Classic Service Stations
Inept Defending Of Our Time
My (Bankrupt) FC
Skam Sports
All features

impsTALK stuff
Sponsorship
Fanzine
About impsTALK
Contact us
Sites we like

Archive
2011/2012

2010/2011
2009/2010
2008/2009
2007/2008
2006/2007
2005/2006
2004/2005
Older seasons

  News > 2003/2004 > Boston announce Mars mission

Boston United announce manned mission to Mars by 2050
-
Bastock to captain Batemans XXXB-Explorer

With NASA's Spirit probe sitting proudly on the surface of Mars, the eyes of the world have turned once more to the Red Planet and the search for life beyond Earth.

But for all the millions spent on sending two high tech rovers into deep space, there are some who believe that the the real search can only begin once humans have made the mammoth trek to the planet itself.

Once such believer is Boston United General Manager John Blackwell who yesterday, before an audience of world-wide dignitaries and international media, announced the club's own plans for a manned mission to Mars by 2050.

The mission calls for a crew of six to make a two year round trip, six months of which will be spent on the surface of Mars. Four weeks will be spent negotiating John Adams Way.

''I stand before you today,' Blackwell said, 'not as the secretary of a no-name League club in South Lincolnshire, but as an ambassador for planet Earth itself. We choose to go to Mars... we choose to go to Mars, not because it is easy - because believe me it isn't; it's much harder than getting promoted from the Nationwide Conference for example.'

Boston Borough Council, despite rejecting plans for a new stadium, approved the ambitious project, promising logistical aid and the supply of BosKat, the ex-Boston Standard kids mascot, for PR purposes.

The mission plan calls for the demolition of York Street, and the surrounding town, in order to make way for the construction of a huge research facility and launching platform. Pilgrim Hospital will be blown up and patients forced into large labour camps.

North Sea Camp inmates will build six giant booster rockets while swimming sensation Melanie Marshall will be asked to give up her Olympic ambitions and work in a huge underground concrete bunker for twenty years.

The lucky astronauts have already been earmarked, with Paul Bastock the likely mission commander and ex-Pilgrims winger Simon Armstrong, who is educated to A-Level standard, leading the science team.

The estimated cost of such a venture is in excess of £320 trillion. Pat Malkinson has pledged a loan of £123,000 (165% APR) and Batemans have agreed to sponsor the mission. Wyberton Parish Council have already approved an annual local levy of £66.2 million per household.

Boston boss Neil Thompson said the club was ready to stage the mission as soon as the go ahead was given.

'The sooner we concentrate on anything other than soccer, the better,' Thompson said.



Copyright © 2002-2014 impsTALK.co.uk | Contact impsTALK