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> 2003/2004 > Des Wood 'not
Des Wood in sensational 'not real' claim
The wrangling over the ownership of Boston United took another dramatic twist last night when it emerged that Des Wood is actually a figment of the Inland Revenue's imagination.
Des Wood revealed the news to a packed press conference of six people, claiming that he was a symptom of mental illness rampant in the Inland Revenue.
‘It's been proven,' Wood said. 'Tax officers across the world have hallucinated about people such as myself; untrustworthy, dubious, shady characters operating in the grey area between legitimate business and criminal extortion. But such people only exist in the minds of small children and now, sadly, income tax collectors.’
‘Yes it's true,’ Wood added. ‘Think of that film, Identity. I'm not real. I'm simply not real.’
The Inland Revenue released a statement in which it expressed the agency's ‘surprise’ at the news.
said last night: ‘Obviously, given the financial disarray at Boston
United we were extremely concerned for the future of the club. However,
in light of recent events we have come to realise that Des Wood exists
only in our minds.
‘Batemans,’ Malkinson said. ‘Too much Batemans.’
‘I’m glad to clear that up,’ Wood responded. ‘I will now remove myself to the inner cortex of the brain.’
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